Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
