I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
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