everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
