It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
being pregnant is like rehab
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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