I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
