He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
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