just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
