A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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