You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
