he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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