So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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