I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
