If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
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