if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
