Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
