I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
