With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
