I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Randomize
