goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
