bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize
