If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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