I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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