I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
