call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.