I am in a vortex of obligation.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.