Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
he thought i was a dude.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!