it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
