I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
