I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
