Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it glows. i had to have it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
