One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You can't just leave with hair like that
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
