I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize
