do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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