He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
