Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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