these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
