Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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