I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
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my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
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We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
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