i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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