Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
