I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
