I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
