i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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