I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
