if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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