why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize