You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
