Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
