the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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