The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
