Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
