??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
