it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
