Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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