For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
