As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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