marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
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Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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