The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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