she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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