Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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