3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
