she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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