we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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