if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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