hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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