Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
