I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
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