matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
She bit a glass in half.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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