i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I touched a dick in church today
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
