I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
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Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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