Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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