I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
