but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
