She is in my trunk
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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