I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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