i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
